No COmment
by Rose Stetson
Summary: There's a reason that I've capitalized both of the first letters in Comment. You'll have to read it to find out. Sam and Jack ship


_Now, I know that I've said this a lot, but this is one of the strangest fics that I've written, ever, and it's because I've been collaborating with Lee Davies while I am here at school with her. It all came out of what Jack would think about some of the slashers . . ._

* * *

Jack stared at the computer screen in disbelief. All he did was type his name into the Google search engine. Now, he was faced with hundreds, no, thousands of matches.

He scrolled down the list. One of the results caught his eye. "What the hell?"

He clicked on "Jack Daniels." Instantly, he saw a picture of Daniel with his arm around him. He didn't like where this was headed.

Sam walked in. "Sir, I was just . . ."

She saw the web page that he was staring at with a bewildered look on his face.

"So, you found the world of fans."

"Fans of what, Carter?"

"Stargate: SG-1, sir."

"I thought that was classified."

"Oh, it is, but it's a sci-fi show, so nobody really believes it." Carter said, matter-of-factly.

"Try telling that to the Trekkies."

"All right, I'll admit that some Stargate fans are getting a little paranoid. They keep seeing Goa'uld ships everywhere. In fact, a lot of them have started using Daniel's theory alongside the horror stories about mummies, and wow, that's a little . . ."

"Carter, get to the point."

"Yes, sir. Overall, the paranoid fans are getting similar reactions to their stories as Joe did in Indiana . . ."

"But how did anybody get the idea that Daniel and . . . I . . ."

She shrugged. "I guess it's just that most gay guys are hot."

"Carter!"

"I'm just saying . . ."

"So, you think I'm hot?"

"Sir, if I answered that, I know I'd be breaking some kind of regulation."

"So, you do think I'm hot."

Daniel, who had been walking by Jack's office on his way to see Dr. Fraiser (why, he never did explain), poked his head into the room. "Did I miss something?"

Sam jumped. "Daniel!"

He walked over and looked at the screen. "Uh, Jack . . ."

"Daniel, it's not what it looks like."

He swallowed. "I'm not exactly sure what to think, Jack."

Sam started laughing. "He discovered the Stargate fanpages."

"Oh." Daniel nodded as comprehension dawned.

"You knew about this?" Jack yelled.

"I don't think he's reached Fanfiction's Stargate Slashers, yet." Sam said to Daniel.

"You mean, they kill me off!" Jack yelled, even louder this time.

"Well . . ." Daniel said, hesitantly.

"Sir, you should just see for yourself." Sam said as she typed in: went to the story listings, and Jack's eyes widened at the number of stories on the web based on Stargate: SG-1.

She went to the character listings and chose Jack and Daniel's names off the list. Jack's jaw dropped at the number of stories.

"They all think that Daniel and I should hook up?" He managed.

Daniel chuckled. "Oh, that's nothing!"

Sam gave Daniel a look.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked, suspiciously.

"Uh, I'm afraid that if I say anything my life will be in danger."

"What is it?" Jack demanded.

"Well, there are a lot of people who think . . ."

"Daniel, I swear I'll kill you if you say anything!" Sam said as she began to blush.

"What do a lot of people think?" Jack asked, his frustration beginning to build into anger.

"That you and Sam should . . ."

"WHAT?" Jack yelled.

"I know, sir, but you have no idea . . ." Sam said, blushing even more.

"Cart- there are- There are regulations against that!"

"Yes, but these women don't mind dreaming." She said, and Daniel exchanged a knowing look with her, and she almost turned a shade of purple with embarrassment, while she non-verbally threatened Daniel's life.

"And boy, do they dream."

Jack looked at Daniel. "What do they dream?"

"Let's just say, romance novels are nothing compared to what these authors write."

Jack's mouth dropped. "Are you serious? I came across one of Sara's romance novels once, and then, I wondered what I was doing wrong."

Sam's jaw dropped. "You've read a romance novel?"

"Like I said I came across one of . . ."

"Wow, it must have been steamy." She remarked. "It must have been one of . . ."

The two men stared at her. "You read romance novels, Carter?"

She blushed. "Well, things have been a little . . ."

"I think that qualifies as too much information, Carter."

"Way too much information," Daniel agreed.

A thought crossed Jack's mind. "Carter, you didn't write any of these, by any chance, did you?"

Sam started blushing. "I'm working on the naquadah reactor right now. Bye!"

Jack turned to Daniel. "She did, didn't she?"

Daniel looked at her. "That would be telling, and I'm positive that I wouldn't live that long."

"So, she did." Jack concluded.

"You said it, not me."

"I heard that!" Sam yelled, on her way to the lab.

"Great, now we're both dead." Daniel said, rolling his eyes.

"Who is she?" Jack asked.

"Now, I'm really not telling."

"I guess the only way to figure out is to read all of the stories and figure out which ones sound the most like Carter."

"I don't think that's possible, Jack."

"What do you mean?" Jack asked.

"Just choose Jack and Sam and you'll figure it out."

He did and gasped. "There are over three hundred pages of stories alone!"

"I said it was nothing in comparison. But it will be easier to figure it out if you can look at the author's profile pages."

"Daniel!" Sam yelled.

"Uh, she didn't say anything about just showing me . . ." Jack said.

"Colonel Jonathan O'Neill, you may be my commanding officer, but I can still kick your butt!" Sam screamed.

"Carter, you might as well come inside. We know you're listening on the other side of the door."

She re-entered the room with just a couple of steps. "Sorry, sir."

"When did you find out what my name was?"

She blushed. "Uh, I read your file."

"Huh, I thought that you didn't have the clearance to do that."

"One doesn't necessarily have to have clearance to have access . . ."

"You hacked into my file?"

"Wow, Sir, that's a new word for you. Do you actually know what it means?"

"Don't change the subject, Carter."

"No comment." She replied.

"If you don't tell me, I'll order you to tell me what your pen name is."

She paled. "All right sir, I was intrigued by your name."

"What?"

"Sir, when I was working at the Pentagon . . ."

"Okay, that's enough. I never understand what you say after you start a sentence that way."

She laughed. "So, how's the search going?"

"What search?"

"I know you're looking for me."

"What gave you that idea?"

"You were going to read all the stories on fanfiction with us as a couple."

"So . . ."

"Do you really think I'm worthy of such a feat?"

"No comment."

"No fair."

"If you are, would you tell me what your pen name is?"

"Maybe."

"Uh, maybe I should go. There's a sexual tension in here so thick that I'm starting to think it might be contagious." Daniel said.

"Is that a good or a bad thing?" Sam asked, her eyebrow raised, and both Sam and Jack knew that he was going to see Janet.

"Uh, no comment."

"Very original, Danny Boy."

"I can't help it if I'm stuck in the past." He nearly ran out of the room as Sam chased him. She returned with an evil grin on her face.

"Ah, now we're alone. Should we read one of these together?" Jack said, seductively.

Sam looked slightly alarmed. "Uh, I'm not sure that we should even talk about that."

"What? Are you afraid of me?"

"All right, I think this one would appropriate."

She pointed the mouse over one of the stories and clicked.

"Did you write it?" He asked as he pulled her down to sit on his lap.

"Did you just say I'm worth it?"

"I think I did, Carter. I think I did."

He read the story aloud, and turned to Sam. "No fair, it's not steamy!"

"Who said I wrote any steamy fics?"

"In fact, it's a lot like the situation we've just had."

"No comment."

* * *

_Typical Rose Stetson fashion . . . there had to be some Sam and Jack shipping._

_Now, in my typical fashion, I am going to get down on my knees and beg for reviews. I know my stuff has slowed down in production, but it will get faster soon, I hope. Just have to keep my muse happy :)_

_But that means that you have to READ AND REVIEW!_


End file.
